Posts Tagged 'Java'

Programmer Jokes

I was relaxing at home this fine (and hot) weekend, catching up on twitter friends and facebook updates when I came across this hilarious tweet (in Hebrew) of programmer jokes. At first I was reluctant to click it – I’m not a programmer, and there bound to be some code jokes – but thank god I clicked it. HILARIOUS!! I’m still crying from some of them..

The original list appeared at, a site dedicated to developers and programmers, where you can post questions and get (and grade) answers. There are some 16 pages of contributions, so clear out 30-60min… The Hebrew version is courtesy of @we-cms.

Here are my favorites:

Q: how many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: none, that’s a hardware problem

Saying that Java is nice because it works on every OS is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on every gender.

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”

The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, ‘You can have anything you want’.”

The first student responds, “Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”

A guy is standing on the corner of the street smoking one cigarette after another. A lady walking by notices him and says: “Hey, don’t you know that those things can kill you? I mean, didn’t you see the giant warning on the box?!”
“That’s OK” says the guy, puffing casually “I’m a computer programmer”
“So? What’s that got to do with anything?”
“We don’t care about warnings. We only care about errors.”

There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who have regular sex.

3 housewives are sitting at a cafe discussing their love life:

The first says: “my husband is a wrestler, he’s powerful and aggressive in bed”

The second says: “mine is an artist – he’s delicate and considering”

The third goes: “mine is a SEO Expert – he’s sitting at the edge of the bed, describing how awesome it’s gonna be, IF it’s gonna be”.

There’s no place like

A programmer walks down a path when suddenly a frog steps into his lane, saying: “if you’ll kiss me I’ll turn into a beautiful blond babe who’ll adore you and start a family with you”. After couple of seconds the programmer picks the frog up and puts it in his shirt pocket. The frog goes “Aren’t you gonna kiss me?!” “No”, the programmer responds. “I work at Google, no time for a wife. But a talking frog is COOL!”

And, my personal favorite (I’m biased, so what?!):

Q: how many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: none, they just make darkness a standard and tell everyone “this behavior is by design”

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Mobile & Media Consultant. I help startup companies launch products to the consumer market. Reach out: dvir.reznik [at]



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